An apology was extended to me for what was short notice for me, since I was required to raise my own funds for the trip. I needed to ascertain my own interest in such a venture and to consider my age, my physical and financial resources. I needed to face my fears and concerns. I took several days to determine my choice. And although I composed a letter with which to respond to the person who invited me, I also wrote a poem to help myself through the process of coming to a decision. Here is what I wrote.
PIVOTING ON A DECISION
I tangle between fear and faith
With a decision I must make
So little time to ponder
Yet with years enough to make me wise.
At my current age, health and means,
Enthusiasm yields to caution that's untimely
Since only days remain in which to choose
An action that may lead to life or death.
The life or death equation is not my own
But that of whomever waits a day's flight from here
To whom I might go to share good news
That leads from death to life.
Fear derives from details over which I have no control.
Faith rests in One for whom all things are possible.
Does plunging headlong into ignored truths
Equate with faith? I ask myself.
Must I discount age, health and means to evidence my faith?
Or might faith inform me that I should stay,
That I should pray for those who go?
Such is the tangle of my thoughts.
Good news is appropriate for me to share
Not only there but here.
If I choose by faith not to go, the One will still deliver
Life-giving news in that distant place,
And those to whom I might have gone
Will meet me when One brings us home.
© Ron Unruh, Dec 16, 2018